can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
