i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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