K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
