You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
