I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
