I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize