Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
