Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize