Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
