I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize