Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
