You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
