So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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