Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
