I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
