She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
