First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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