i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
