Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
