you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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