I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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