I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
