We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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