I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
