Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
