He uses pillows to masturbate.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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