i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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