Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
