I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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