Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
