i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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