I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
