I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
