She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
