I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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