The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
