i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
