OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize