You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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