I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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