Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
