I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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