4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
