a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
