Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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