I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my being single is dangerous.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
