All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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