i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
