we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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