Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
