Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
