why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
