I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
