I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
