Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
