The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
