bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My ATM looks so different sober.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
