He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
