I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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