He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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