My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
