i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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