OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
