I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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