I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
