Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
