i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You pole danced in your parka.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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