I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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