so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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