her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
