can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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