I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
