just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
