overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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