There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
farters have to be the big spoon...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And then he peed in my hair
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