and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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