Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
