I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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