PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish I only lived at night.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
