So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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