I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize