Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
