Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
