They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
