Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
