I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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