My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
