I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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