She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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