My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
