if i can run in heels then i can drive
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
