i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my being single is dangerous.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
