I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
