My room smells like vodka and shame
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
