Whatcha textin bout Willis?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also, beer. Big fan.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize