Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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