WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
