God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my sisters under your porch take her home
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize