ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize