ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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