Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
