And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
