Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i will never coherently bang her
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
