I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
